The First Steps in Placing a Child for Adoption

First, decide whether you want to place your child for adoption or raise your child yourself.  While you are deciding, make sure to continue to take good care of yourself and your baby. Contact a physician and start prenatal care as soon as possible. If you need help finding a physician or getting an appointment for prenatal care, let us know and we will help you find one . Keep your doctor and clinic appointments.

Try to avoid drugs and alcohol, and smoking.  Check with your doctor about continuing to take prescription medication.

Move ahead with the child adoption process at your own pace and establish the adoption in a way in which you are comfortable. Remember, it is your baby and you have all the choices, so take your time!

If anyone ever pressures you, just end your conversation with them and move on. Don't worry about them. Your only concern is to see that your needs and your baby's needs are taken care of.

I advise you not to answer newspaper ads, adopting family internet ads, deal directly with the adopting family, the adopting family's attorney, or a child adoption facilitator. These are all called private adoptions and these can be very risky. So risky that in many states, private adoptions are not legal because of the dangers involved.

Finally, contact us at Adoption Services, or another non-profit, fully licensed child adoption agency, and let us help you.  Whether it is our agency or some other program,  a licensed child adoption agency can help you and protect you and your child. You'll still be in charge, but the child adoption agency can help you avoid the problems you can face by contacting an adopting family directly.

If you decide to contact us at Adoption Services, we are here to help you 365 days a year and 24 hours a day.  Just call toll free, 1-800-943-0400, and we will listen with compassion and do all that is needed to help you.

The following article, Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption?, addresses the following questions you might have:

• Who can I talk to about my options?
• Should I place my child for adoption?
• What are the different types of child adoption?
• How do I arrange an adoption through a child adoption agency?
• How do I arrange a private child adoption?
• What if my baby is a child of color?
• How do I arrange for future contact with my child if I want it?

Who Can I Talk to About My Options?

If you want to talk to a professional about your child adoption options, there are different places you can go. Counseling at the places listed below will be free or cost very little.

• Crisis pregnancy centers
• Family planning clinics are places where women get birth control information or pregnancy tests.
• Adoption agencies are a good choice if you are already leaning in the direction of adoption.
• Health Department or Social Services (Child Welfare) Offices
• Mental health centers or family service agencies.

No matter where you go for counseling, a counselor should always treat you with respect and make you feel good about yourself. A counselor may have strong feelings about adoption, abortion, and parenting a child. Nevertheless, those feelings should not influence their professional advice nor the treatment provided to you.

Should I Place My Child for Adoption?

The decision to place a child for adoption is a difficult one. It is an act of great courage and much love. Remember, a child  adoption is permanent. The adoptive parents will raise your child and have legal authority for his or her welfare.

Have I explored all possibilities?

Pregnancy can affect your feelings and emotions. Are you only thinking about child adoption because you have money problems, or because your living situation is difficult? These problems might be temporary. Have you called Social Services to see what they can do, or asked friends and family if they can help? If you have done these things and still want adoption, you will feel more content with your decision.

Will the adoptive parents take good care of my child?

Prospective adoptive parents are carefully screened and give a great deal of information about themselves. They are visited in their home several times by a social worker and must provide personal references. They are taught about the special nature of adoptive parenting before an adoption takes place. By the time an agency has approved adoptive parents for placement, they have gotten to know them very well, and feel confident they would make good parents. In many cases you can select or help to select the family.

Will my child wonder why I placed him (or her) for adoption?

Probably. But child adoption in the last 10 years is probably a lot different from what it was when you were growing up. Most adopted adults realize that their birth parents placed them for adoption out of love, and because it was the best they knew how to do. Hopefully your child will come to realize that a lot of his or her wonderful traits come from you. And if you have an open adoption, it is likely that you will be able to explain to the child why you chose adoption.

Why am I placing my child for adoption?

If your answer is because it is what you, or you and your partner think is best, then it is a good decision. Now it is time to move forward, and not feel guilty.

What are the different types of child adoption?

There are two types of child adoption: closed and open adoption.

Closed ( Confidential): The birth parents and the adoptive parents never know each other. Adoptive parents are given background information about you and the birth father that they would need to help them take care of the child, such as medical information.

Open: The birth parents and the adoptive parents know something about each other. There are different levels of openness:

• Least open-You will read about several possible adoptive families and pick the one that sounds best for your baby. You will not know each other's names.
• More open-You and the possible adoptive family will speak on the telephone and exchange first names.
• Even more open-You can meet the possible adoptive family. Your social worker or attorney will arrange the meeting at the adoption agency or attorney's office.
• Most open-You and the adoptive parents share your full names, addresses, and telephone numbers. You stay in contact with the family and your child over the years, by visiting, calling, or writing each other. Fifteen States have enacted laws that recognize post-adoption contact between adoptive and birth families if the parties have voluntarily agreed to this plan.

Talk to your adoption agency counselor about the type of child adoption that is best for you. Do you want to help decide who adopts your child? Would you mind if a single person adopted your child, or a couple of a different race than you? Would you like to be able to share medical information with your child's family that may only become known in the future?

If you have strong feelings about these things, work with an agency or attorney who you feel will listen to what you want.

If you do not have strong feelings about these things, the child adoption agency or attorney will decide who adopts your child based on who they think can best care for the child.

How do I arrange an child adoption through a child adoption agency?

In all States, you can work with a licensed child placing (adoption) agency and in many states you can also work directly with an adopting couple or their attorney without using a child adoption agency.  In some states this type of adoption, a private adoption, is not legal.  Private licensed child adoption agencies arrange most child adoptions.  There are several types of private child adoption agencies. Some are for profit and some are non-profit.  When you contact a child adoption agency, ask the staff as many questions as you need to ask so that you understand the child adoption agency's policies. Some questions you will want to ask are in the box below.

Will I get counseling all through my pregnancy, after I sign the papers allowing my child to be adopted, and after my baby is gone?

Can my baby's father and other people who are important to me join me in counseling if they want to?

What kind of financial help can I get? What kind of medical and legal help will I have? Can I get help with medical and legal expenses?

What will I get to know about the people who adopt my baby? May I tell you what I think are important traits for parents to have? How do you know the adoptive parents are good people? May I meet them if I want, or know their names? Will I ever be able to have contact with them or my child? Will I ever know how my child turns out?

What information will you provide to the adoptive parents about me and my family?

The agency social worker will ask you questions to find out some information about you and the baby's father, such as your medical histories, age, race, physical characteristics, whether you have been to see a doctor since you became pregnant, whether you have been pregnant or given birth before, and whether you smoked cigarettes, took any drugs, or drank any alcohol since you became pregnant. The social worker asks these questions so that the baby can be placed with parents who will be fully able to care for and love the baby, not so that she can turn you down.

How do I arrange a private child adoption?

A child adoption arranged without a child adoption agency is called an independent or private child adoption.  With a private child adoption, you need to find an attorney to represent you. Look for an attorney who will not charge you a fee if you decide not to place your baby for adoption. You also need to find adoptive parents.

What If My Baby Is a Child of Color?

There are some special considerations if your baby is a child of color, such as African American, Hispanic, Native American, Asian/Pacific Islander or biracial.

If it is important to you that the parents adopting your child are of the same ethnic or racial background as your child, you will need to locate a child adoption agency or attorney with such families approved and waiting for placement. You can choose which kind of child adoption agency you work with and which family your child goes to. Ask agencies or attorneys if they work with families of color and if they have families of color in their pool of approved families. Many agencies provide expectant parents with photos and summaries of prospective adoptive families to help them choose the adoptive family for their child.

How do I arrange for future contact with my child if I want it?

If you decide on a confidential (closed) child adoption, you may still wish to make sure that your child can contact you in the future. There are things you can do now to make that happen.

Many people who are adopted as children later want to meet their birth parents. With the exception of Alabama, Alaska, Delaware, Kansas, Oregon, and Tennessee, state laws do not permit them to see their original birth certificate. Because of these problems, many States, and some private national organizations, have set up child adoption registries to help people find one another.  A registry works like this: You leave the information about the birth of the child and your address and telephone number. You must keep your address and telephone number current. You can register at any time, even years after the child is born.  When your child is an adult, he or she can call or write this registry. If what the child knows about his or her birth matches what the registry has, the registry will release your current address and telephone number to the child, and you could be contacted.

There is another way to ensure that your child can contact you if he or she wishes. Some child adoption agencies and attorneys who arrange private child adoptions will hold a letter in their file in which you say why you chose adoption and how to get in touch with you if the child ever wants to. If the agency or attorney that you are working with will not agree to do this, you may wish to work with somebody else.

If you need or want some specific personal advice, you can also call the creator of this website, Dr. Vince Berger, a psychologist and adoption professional, by phone or by email.