You Have All The Choices

You, and the birth father if he wants to be involved, should and can proceed with an adoption in a way that you feel most comfortable. In reality, you have all the choices and you get to decide how the choices will be made.  All you have to do is select an adoption agency that will allow you to exercise all the choices which are legally yours to make.

First you can choose whether to raise your child yourself, to place your child with a relative or friend, put the child in foster care through the state child welfare agency, or whether to place your child for adoption.

If you choose to place your child for adoption, you can choose whether you want to receive the help of an agency adoption, or take the more risky route of a private adoption through an attorney or through an adoption facilitator.

You can choose whether to be involved in each and every choice, whether to turn everything over to the adoption agency and let them take care of everything for you, or whether you want to make only those decisions that you are comfortable with and let the agency take care of the rest.

You need to know that your child will be in a safe and loving home with the kind of parents you want.  In either an agency adoption or a private adoption you can choose the family yourself and/or give your agency the characteristics about the family that are important to you, such as their age, religion, income level, whether they have children, where they live, etc., and let them prescreen and choose the family.   

You have the choice of how much ongoing contact you will have with the adopting family and with the child.  You can choose an closed adoption where no information is exchanged, an open adoption where you know the family's identity and they know yours, or you can have a partially open adoption which is a combination of the two arranged for you by your adoption agency.

You can decide if you want, or do not want, to meet the family, get updates and pictures, and/or see the family and child on an ongoing basis. 

Remember, you can make as many or as few of the choices as you want.  Just make sure you carefully select an adoption agency that does not put unnecessary limitations on you and the adoption, but truly has your interest at heart and lets you decide how you want the adoption to take place.

No one level of "closedness" or "openness" in a child adoption is best for every birth parent and adoptee.  Closed and open adoptions both can be done in a healthy way so the the birth parents and child do not experience unnecessary emotional difficulties.  However, it is important you understand each type of adoption so you can proceed the way that is best for you and your child.

It is important for you to understand that an agency and private adoption are very different.  They both result in your rights as the biological parent being ended and with the child being adopted, but they way they get to this result is very different. 

Many adoption facilitators are not licensed and are not held accountable for their actions.  Accordingly, there have been so many problems and complaints that the U.S. government strongly recommends only dealing with licensed adoption agencies.

You can select the adopting family or you can have your adoption agency select them for you.  You may specify age, religion, lifestyle, number of children in the family, location or any other factors which are important to you.  However, the decision is yours and you need not be forced into choosing or not choosing the family.

If you need or want some specific personal advice, you can also call the creator of this website, Dr. Vince Berger, a psychologist and adoption professional, by phone or by email.